You are viewing [info]keli_beli's journal

keli beli's lj -

> Recent Entries
> Archive
> Friends
> User Info
> Son of Sandlar

July 14th, 2005

Previous Entry Add to Memories Share Next Entry
02:03 am
damn it hurts so bad to miss the loved ones youve lost, i miss them so damn much it fucking kills. i want them back so bad. and most people fear there own deaths i sure as hell dont. i fear everyone else that i love leaving me ont this earth for ever and me never being able to say goodbye to a live being or being able to look them in their glinting eye ever agai.n i only have one grandparent left and i can feel her slowly drifting away. shes not like on her death bed or near as i can tell really all that close to dying, but shes loosing her memory and everything else that comes with old age. but i fear she wont be aroud all that much longer.
i wonder if after i dye ill be able to see them all again or if ill be lost for ever as well. i want to ask them( being the ones already gone) why. why kurt shot himself and when he was so young, and why my father hadnt gone to see a doctor scence like the fucking 70's because maybe he would still be around today. that would be the best thing in the world, ive forgivin him for all the crap weve been through i just want him back. more then any thing in the world i just want to see him again, hear one of his stupid jokes, go to a game he wa working at dont care what one either, i just want him! i think what make them being gone even worse is when there belongings leave too. it seams like they want to forget the loss, well i dont damn it i dont want to loose anything but ive already lost so much. i barely remember kurt cause i was in forth grade when he died and he wwa so much older then i was so we never really(as far as i can still remember) did a hole lot as far as bonding goes. and pretty much th same goes fo my grandfather they passed aroung the same time as kurt i never really got a chance to have a really good talk with either of them and i lost the chance to do it a long time ago. my grandmother is sligtly different she live all the way until earlier this year and we went fom seeing her alot (most of the time when my dad worked we went over to her house) to really only seeing her on like easter,thanksgiving,and christmas. but i didnt find out alot of the things that i would like too know. but i guess that will alway be the case with everyone. i supose all else i can say is ask people to tell you stories or just ast them question ecpecially with the elderly the always have the best stories to tell.
~live love last

i love every last one of you so much, i dont know what i would do without you in my life! please never leave me

i love you joe thank you a whole big bundle full!!!!!!!!

i think ive cried enough for the rest of the year now

AND LOOK OLD MAN AN ACTUAL POST! love you
Current Mood: fuck i cant even describe it
Current Music: my stuffy stuffy nose, eeewwwww

(6 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:

[User Picture]
From:[info]traveler1567
Date:July 14th, 2005 09:51 am (UTC)
(Link)
I've lost a few people these past 6 years, people whom I have loved alot. Some of them have died while others have disappeared from my life so completely that it is just as if they had died. I wish I could tell you that there is this cool otherworldly place where everyone goes and hangs out 'til the rest of us catch up but the truth is that I really don't know what happens. What I do know is what it feels like to miss someone so bad that it hurts. That's bad enough at my age but I think it's alot worse at yours.
The way I see it is that everyone that you love gets a piece of you and you get a piece of them. It's not something that you can get back or return. When they die, that piece of you dies with them and you feel the loss of that and it hurts. But that piece of them that is yours lives on in you and and is part of your life; part of who you are.
Loosing someone always hurts and leaves a hole in your heart. All I can tell you is that in time, it gets better and that the hurt and pain of the loss subsides and seems to be replaced, at least for me, with warm memories and the knowledge that those people have affected my life and are a part of who I am.
I can't make you feel better hon, but I can promise you that you will.
I love you too.
[User Picture]
From:[info]keli_beli
Date:July 14th, 2005 07:27 pm (UTC)
(Link)
thank you but i dont know if getting better is the right words for it but it does subside and it changes as time goes by.
~ill give you a call l8r
[User Picture]
From:[info]pudanunda
Date:July 14th, 2005 06:25 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Hey babe its aaron, lets get together soon....I LOVE U!!!!!
[User Picture]
From:[info]keli_beli
Date:July 14th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
(Link)
love you to and ill try to call you but it may be a little while still before we can chill ill be working at festa.
[User Picture]
From:[info]pudanunda
Date:July 15th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
(Link)
Oh My God Sam E, Teresa, and I are also working at Festa!!!!!!!!! Yay for that.....!!!!!!!
[User Picture]
From:[info]keli_beli
Date:July 16th, 2005 03:07 am (UTC)
(Link)
doing what?

> Go to Top
LiveJournal.com